Wine is a Woman

People who are in pain do strange things. It’s very difficult, and I might add wrong, to judge someone who is in pain. It doesn’t matter if that pain is physical, mental or both. It doesn’t matter if that person put themselves in that position or not. Pain is just pain. As humans, we should be there to comfort one another when we observe another human’s pain. This doesn’t mean that one should enable negative behavior. Just hold someone’s hand, give them a hug, or just do like I do, tell a raunchy joke or make light of their situation when needed.

I broke a rule. I contacted the one who broke my heart. I didn’t ask my friends if I should do this. I didn’t ask anyone’s permission. I did consult my favorite bottle of red wine and she said, “Go for it.” You know that wine is a woman. She has to be. She’s beautiful to gaze upon through a transparent glass. She’s seductive. She wants to be wanted and enjoyed. Some are full bodied while others are bare bones. Some are sweet and some are like vinegar. My favorite, Apothic Red, has an awesome nose and a fabulous finish. I’m sure that you’d love to meet her, but I digress.

So I contacted the lost love. I could also say that Adele made me do it. Sultry, broken, fierce lyrics pour out of her like lava. I sent a text message. I still have the number memorized. I frequently dream about dialing the number and the numbers don’t work. Maybe I’ve pushed past that dream because the numbers did work. I sent “Adele’s ‘Someone Like You’.” It took a few minutes and I received a reply, ” I listened to the song. Who is this?” Lost love never knew my number. All this time I kept from breaking the rule to ensure that there was no way of contacting me and I kept it that way. I responded, “If you listened to the song then you should know who this is.” Lost love knew and asked how I was doing, how my family was doing. I responded by saying that we were all fine and to forgive me because I wouldn’t ask how he was doing because it would hurt too much. Lost love understood. The interaction lasted for about forty-five minutes. Not once did we lash out, lay blame, or overemphasize how grandiose our lives were now.

I needed to make this painful memory into a human being and I needed to put my feelings in order. This interaction had nothing to do with wanting to return to the life I had before. It had everything with doing what I needed to do to survive my own twisted heart and mind. It was an experiment and I was willing to do anything. I don’t like being angry or confused. I don’t like harboring ill feelings toward anyone.

So far so good. Once again, I’m not perfect. I went against the rules, but I repaired a tear in my heart. I feel relieved. Lost love is a human being and someone I once viewed as a hero. I recalled all the wonderful things that we once shared. I realized and embraced what I already knew, focusing on the negative doesn’t provide any comfort.

I won’t ask for forgiveness for my broken rule. I compare it to a hungry person stealing a piece of bread. It’s about survival and it’s about learning.

Peace from the Rogue Mare

 

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2 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Karl Rose
    Jan 06, 2012 @ 18:01:42

    If wine is a woman, I am in big trouble, or I am a rule breaker also. Dont like wine at all, love women. I would rather think of a woman as a beautiful piece of wood, maybe a bit rough around the edges, but with a symitry of design all her own, waiting for someone to come along who knows how to care and polish her. Not to change her, no, that would be sacriligeous, just hold her in my hands both of us takeing off the rough edges, smoothing out the knots till they shine like glass. But I digress.
    I dont know why we have rules like that. Can you ever truly remove someone from your life? Sure, you can send them away, or move far, far from them, but I think a little piece of them is still with you, and you with them. I am not talking about people you meet off the street or in the grocery store, but those that you let see a bit of you, that you opened a door to your heart for. Some we would love to slam that door on their fingers, giving them some of the pain we feel, but that is part of life, finding what works for each and every one of us. I talk to my ex-wife regularly, usually about once a month. sometimes it is just for a couple of minutes to make sure my children are ok, but we have had conversations that lasted an hour or so, and we have even laughed at a joke only we knew. Is that wrong, even in the face of my marrying another woman soon? I dont think so. I dont brood about my time spent with her, I dont dwell on what she has done, I just have to accept where I/we are now and move on. She has been a wonderful mother for my 2 girls, and I am grateful to her for that.
    Sometimes I look at my past like luggage. You will bring it with you, no matter how hard you try to leave it at the airport hanger. You may not mean to, but you will compare how someone treats you to your past, or how you react to a situation. I have been very up front with my fiance about my past, and she with me. Then we move on to make our own world, or at least a corner of the now.
    RM, dont appologize for doing what is in your heart to do. Everybody wont agree with you, but those that love you will respect you and understand that it is just that goofy girl and her drama bag, coming down the street. LOLWPS

    Reply

  2. MayDay
    Jan 10, 2012 @ 22:20:18

    I’ve broken that rule before as well.. I had no idea why I contacted my ex and I didn’t even know what I hoped to accomplish. It kind of leaves you a little numb. You don’t really get the comfort you closure you were seeking. Maybe it’s just something you have to do to get it out of your system.

    Reply

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